He now has a new father that will never be a father. I may one day be a father who is never a father. I may one day be a lot of things. I may never know what these things are until I become them. I have dinner now at six. Sometimes I have to make dinner to have it at six. Mom says I am old enough to start helping around the house more. That it is good training, for soon I will have a house of my own. I don't know if that is true. What sort of house would I have? Where would I want to live? What would I do to pay for this house? And what would I make for dinner every night? These things will just happen in time, I can see them about to happen now. I can feel them all approaching.
I am looking out my window and the sky is dark, very dark. I am sixteen. The rain is pouring down, the lightning is flashing, the thunder is thundering. How is the weather today? Terrible. How are you today? Terrible. I will soon have a job, a career. I will not pick it, it will pick me. I will do what is available, not what I want. Even when I have a job I will probably not like it. People don't enjoy work, they have to do it to support their houses and their families. I will have a family soon too. Someone will walk into my life and become my family. I will have to look after them. Then they may or may not decide to stay with me. They may walk out at any moment. They may decide they don't like me. They may decide they like someone else better. We may fight all the time. We may scream and yell and throw things at each other. I will have a job to go to. I might be happy about my job simply because I do not have to be in my house with my family. At work I may not be good at my job. I may wish I was better. I may work harder. But maybe I just won't be as good as I once thought I was. Maybe I will just fail every day until I give up trying. I will work to pay off a house I don't really like. A house that has dents in the walls from all the throwing. I will have to cook dinner every night. I will have to decide what to eat every night. Then I will have to stand in my kitchen and cook it. I may not be a good cook, I will probably burn the food often. Then at six, I will have to sit down and eat a meal I do not like. All these things may happen and there may be nothing I can do about them.
I am looking out my window and the sky is blue, clear blue. I am eighteen. A rainbow appears after the storm. How is the weather today? Hopeful. How are you today? Hopeful. I will be what I want to be. Nothing will just happen to me, I will make it happen. I will choose for me a good job, one that I will be good at, one that I will enjoy. I will choose to live alone until I find the right person to join me. When I know they are the right person then I will choose to invite them to join me. We will live in our home and be happy. I have options and I have decisions to make. I will make those decisions wisely and I will make my life happen for me.